The Wedding Morning by John Henry Frederick Bacon
I like to think I’ve been holding it together pretty well through Covid times. But this weekend…this weekend has been very tough.
On Saturday, my best friend since the age of five got married. Without me – or any of her other bridesmaids, or, most importantly, her parents. She lives in the US now and with no non-essential travel between the two countries (for very good reason – the US spike in cases is terrifying) it wasn’t possible for any of us to be there.
I’d spent weeks thinking about how hard it must be for her not to have her people at the wedding (the groom’s family and friends live nearby so were able to make up the numbers for their 12 person outdoor wedding). My fellow bridesmaids and I hosted a Zoom bachelorette and got to check in with the bride just before she walked down the aisle, offering last minute virtual advice and support. And that was lovely. But it wasn’t the same.
What I hadn’t thought about before yesterday was what it meant to me not to be at her wedding. I’m so happy for her but I found myself unexpectedly in tears to have missed this event.
I’m so upset that I don’t get to have memories of her wedding day. I don’t get to know what she looked like coming down the aisle, or exchanging vows. I don’t get to know if the groom cried or if there were any funny moments. I don’t get to be part of her memories of that day, which, after having gone through so many milestones together over the course of almost thirty years, is incredibly hard.
We’ll have a party next year or whenever it is safe to gather people from around the world together again but, a year or more after the original wedding, it will be a very different sort of day. And it will be wonderful and we’ll be able to embrace and dance and do all the things no one could do right now. But it won’t be quite the same.
The Captive Reader 
Look at it this way – by not gathering, by missing a wedding, and possible infection, you and the other bridesmaids may all be able to attend your friend’s golden wedding anniversary party one day! A wedding is (or ought to be) just one day in a long and happy married life. At least from the viewpoint of one married fifty years, that’s how I see it!
I agree – it is just one day and everything that follows will hopefully be enjoyed together. But it’s still a hard one to miss.
The sadnesses all around us make it worse too, I’m sure, Claire – it would have been beautiful to be part of something so joyful…
Oh, Claire, I’m so sorry you’re missing the wedding (and your friend!) And I sympathize! My niece, who is the first in her generation to get married, was supposed to have had her wedding last weekend — and it was going to be a family reunion for all of us. She’s also going to have her big celebration next summer but is getting married on Saturday with only their parents and sibling able to be there. It’s hard!
So hard! I’m sorry that your family is missing their reunion. It’s nice to plan to celebrate all together one day but doesn’t quite make up for missing it now.
I am so sorry you missed it all. I missed my grand daughters first birthday, another one’s seventh and another’s third and now looks like I am missing the last one who is five end July. By the time I see them all, I am sure three of them wont even remember who their nana is which is heart breaking.
I am sad for you.
Oh, I think that’s even harder than missing a wedding! My parents are really struggling at being apart from my brother’s children and when they do get a chance to see them (they live a 6 hour drive away) the visits are currently no contact.
I’m so sorry Claire! I also missed my best friend’s wedding (we’ve known each other since we were tiny, too – 6 in our case!) – in different circumstances – she was getting married in South Africa (where she lived at the time) – and I’d just started a new job after moving back to London from New York and had neither the holiday allowance from work or the money to be able to pay for the flights and hotel etc. We were both devastated and I still wonder whether I could have tried harder to make it to her wedding – borrowed some money, asked for some unpaid leave, etc – but at the time it just seemed impossible. It is a regret I will always have. But she still had a fabulous day. I hope the party next year will be wonderful and allow you to feel like you didn’t really miss out on all that much. Sending you a hug! x
Oh Rachel, that’s tough. Yes, I’m looking forward to celebrating next year (or whenever) and need to focus on that. And on the exciting fact that my friend is finally (after 12 years with this partner) married!
So much fallout and missed events. It is hard, indeed hard to miss out on joyous events.
It is. But how good to be reminded that joyous events continue to go on amidst this.
I have a friend who attended a Zoom wedding with 50 guests! Making a way to celebrate the day!
Slightly belated, but I wanted to chime in and say I’m sorry you had to miss your friend’s wedding. I missed the wedding of my oldest childhood friend, the closest thing I have to a sister. (We’ve been friends since we were 2!) This was a long time ago (1994 to be exact). I’d won a yearlong fellowship to India, and the wedding came smack in the middle of it. Theoretically, I may have been able to make it work, but practically, it was just too far and too expensive and too complicated. I ended up spending her wedding day in a Himalayan village with an anthropologist friend who bought me a chocolate bar from the town’s only store as consolation. I was very sad. But, you know, it’s 26 years later and we’re still friends. Last year, on their 25th anniversary, we both commented that we couldn’t believe I’d missed the wedding, but from this long distance, it feels like more of a blip. (And I’m glad there will be a celebration later, at least!)